That’s how you feel when you run into a significant other you haven’t seen in a long time. A bitter avalanche of icy memories plows into your chest at breakneck speed, stealing the very breath from your lungs. Gasping for air, there’s really no use fighting it; the blow is instantaneous and it’s overpowering. Your eyes land on this person, your heart immediately stops dead, your knees go weak and you internally panic. You force yourself to walk over, but before either of you say hello, you’ve already got an endless amount of things you secretly want to say and an equally lengthy list of questions you wish you could ask.
What affection the two of you once shared was absolutely beautiful, consequently rendering any unanticipated meetings thereafter twice as awkward. But as everyone always reminded you, life has a way of operating, God has a mysterious way of working, and sometimes things change without a moment’s warning. Even after it was all said and done, it’s still hard to imagine how things could’ve ever evolved from “always” to “never” in what seemed like a single dramatic heartbeat.
Months and months later, you run into this particular person unexpectedly and the realization hits you like a brick wall. The pain is still there. It’s almost as painful as the night you said goodbye. Enough time has passed to con you into thinking you’ve begun to heal, and of course you probably have, but then you see this person and suddenly those old familiar aches begin to hurt all over again. You were finally beginning to mend after what happened, the relationship withered and ended, however dramatically, but the moment you lock eyes with this person you once shared so many dreams with, your stomach turns and a bitter taste fills your mouth. You can barely breathe. Half of you aches for things to be the way they once were, the other half longs to forget the whole thing ever happened. Regardless of your role in the conclusion of the relationship, it left you shattered and bringing it up after all this time would only pour another dose of potent heartbreak for both of you.
So there you are, standing face-to-face, unsure of what to say aside from the typical small talk jabber. A myriad of emotions swirl through both your heads but they only make former lovers more confused. Maybe you hug an awkward I-haven’t-seen-you-in-forever gesture, but that familiar mixed scent of perfume and cologne makes it even more impossible to know how to act, brief as the impending conversation inevitably will be. You just can’t stop thinking “things will never be the way they used to be” and that’s what hurts most. You both know where your identities lie, Who ultimately claims your hearts and where your fortresses are… and those things are truly what matter most, but this unforeseen meeting is still severely painful and there’s no denying that. It keeps you both awake for nights.
How true.
[Edit]
Title: Funeral
Film [Single] — GOLD, Funeral, Leo Burnett Advertising Sdn Bhd
Cheers to the late Yasmin Ahamd =)
Many times you appeared in my dream. Are you there? or are you just a decoy dream in my head?
I hate sitting there alone, awake and missing the scent of sandalwood
Our last stop travelling together.
Can we like, "Save the Sharks!"
The story behind my back,
I remember clearly that night, it was calm and quiet. As I walked in the house, late; I was expecting him to question me before I could even lock the doors. Surprisingly, nothing happened. I glanced over my back, I saw him sitting at his usual corner reading the newspapers while CNN news was his music.
He looked old, grumpy and exhausted. “That’s Mr. Ho,” I thought to myself. He is the person who loved food, art and life with a burning passion. He was a perfect and patient husband and a giant man who used to pick me up, swing me around till I yelled for mercy.
He sat comfortably on the wooden chair patiently waiting for me to return. I walked up to him and surprised him with Shane (Nikon dslr). He wore a euphoric grin; he was so much like a kid, all hyper and excited. He dropped his papers, switched off everything and brought me upstairs. He quickly took out all his gear and started his camera-lecture.
I questioned, he explained, we talked, we laughed, we were experimenting. That moment lasted till dawn, it felt like forever. My dad is the only man, who can tolerate my nonsense, my consistent tantrums and still love me. I did not want it to end, I felt safe, loved, pampered by his side.
Sadly, his passing happened in a blink of an eye. I had my hopes and spirit all high, I never expected it to be the last father-daughter conversation I had with him. Months later, my mother and I thought it will be a great idea to put the memories of him into a piece of art which reminds me of him everyday.
Every element in the tattoo meant something. The film camera certainly represents his love for photography and the last conversation we had. The stars reminded me of the scene where I used to be the kid who sits on his lap during movie nights. He would hugged me tightly while we were watching Lion King; it was the part where Mufasa was scolding Simba after being attacked by hyenas.
“Dad, we are pals right.”, asked Simba
“Right”, said Mufasa.
“We will always be together right?” Simba asked again.
Mufasa then explained to him, “Simba, let me tell you something that my father told me. Look at the stars, the great kings from the past look down on us from those stars. So whenever you feel alone, just remember those kings will always be there to guide you. And so am I.”
I miss you.
Love, Ems
[Once you've done reading this, go pick up the phone call your dad. Tell him how much you've love him and miss him. Or when you see your dad, shower him with hugs and kisses. Appreciate him while you can, before everything is too late.]
I fried my brains for thinking too much. Le Sigh.
I will want more tattoos, but each art should have a meaning behind.
I have new resolution: Only date boys who’ve seen you cry. Pretty much IMPOSSIBLE. Cheers!
