Explode

Ems is fashionably late for updates. This is because....

She is learning how to breath. She is exhausted and emotionally drained. Its been tough for the past few months. She is still trying to stay afloat.

1. You should have leaved me alone.

The sky is never still every time you appear in my dreams.It first started out with lightning flickers and the thunder rolls; I’m running really, really fast with tears in my eyes towards your direction trying to stop you from approaching the edge. I wasn’t able to call out your name but I continue to run and before I could reach out for you; you’ve dived into the black turbulent sea.

I stood there soaked under the rain, breathing heavily, looking for you. My whole body was paralyzed; I watched the waves crashed fiercely towards the rocks beneath. “[Name]” I gasped out loud, there’s no sign of you.

And then I woke up. Every time I opened my eyes, it is always teary. I was left with a strange feeling, I could feel you but I couldn’t see you. Something inside me is seeking frantically for the meaning because the clarity in all the dreams are awful.

I’m not sure how this happened but I chose to ignore it. Unfortunately, what I witnessed in the dreams for the past one month was so much horribly worse than this, I can’t control it. The dreams continue with him running away from a disaster or blending in with the departed. It is hard and painful to describe and anything can happen, but I just can’t bring myself to tell you in person.

There’s something about all the dreams… something about it tells me you might be in danger. I felt like I will never see him again. It will be the last thing I want - to lose a friend, someone you loved.

I knew its time to tell you knowing the fact that you’ll think its fucking mental. I think I ended up embarrassing myself but at least I know you know. I hate dreaming, because if this is the dream, then I’d rather be awake.

The question is: why do you linger around in my dreams. Maybe you like to see me in pain and unhappy.

Putain de merde! Je détesté cauchemar! This makes me hate you, love you.


2. You made me.

There are things you need to know about me. I am dark and twisted. I have a tremendously short temper. I am very demanding, irrational and am slow to forgive. I learn to survive inside myself, I learn to be unbreakable and let no one in.

"All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin," Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector.

There are times, I wished you'd stay close, don't go.

New hair do, its short not shaved. It reminds me of the young Mia Farrow. Go google.





3. [500] days of Summer

Narrator: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen, grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until the day he met the one. The girl, Summer Finn, did not share this belief. You should know up front this is not a love story.

Summer: I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

[Image credit]

The movie got me thinking, do you remember the look on my face when we first meet.



4. This time of the year

Around this time of the year, Mrs. Ho starts to read my star signs and the Chinese zodiac for next year’s luck.

One day, she sat next to me and said “You need to be careful next year. You’ll either get married or get knocked up.”

I stared at her blankly. OMFG, please shoot me with a schnitzel.

The thought of being committed or having a human growing inside my stomach petrifies me. Just to be safe, I’ll make sure I am not going to Europe next year.

It’s a death wish.