Traumatized

Last week have been a whirlwind of emotions.

I have been absolutely angry at myself for many many things and I have cried (which I usually don't]. That day was my longest ride home. From the moment I got into my car, I was sobbing so hard. I couldn't make it stop, the bigfattears just kept flowing down. To the point, I had to hide in my bathroom. I have to admit that this job really is a roller coaster ride. You're constantly speeding up to the highest and dropping down to the lowest point. I really need to get used to the high and lows.

Looking on the brighter side, I have learnt an incredible amount of knowledge the past few months. No matter how socially retard I am, I don't care. No matter how tired I am, I don't care. No matter how early I need to get up, or how much coffee I need to drink, I don't care. No matter how many shitstorms I need to take in, I don't care. I'm living, breathing and enjoying life day by day. I am still very excited where this journey will take me.

- Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself; to recover from something you never saw coming. But, sometimes the odds are in your favor. If you're in just the right place as just the right time, you can take a helluva hit and still have a shot at surviving.

All the thunder clouds ahead will pass very soon. I hope they don't kick me out of the game just because I was traumatized.

This is how it rolls in the industry. Note to self: "Just remember to keep working towards your goals - because one day they will be a light at the end of the tunnel and you'll eventually reach it. Not only exhausted but you know you've played the game right by riding the experience."

Live and learn

When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

McSteamy and McDreamy is back! Watch Grey's Anatomy every Thursday at 9|8c on ABC.

Why am I laughing during the day, and crying myself to sleep at night. Why!

Wild target, hot mess.

If they can guess who is MisterBlueSky. I'll buy them lunch for a week!

This week special:

This song is so stuck in my head, "Hey, it's okay. We gotta live for a better day. Now we give a little a love and we're on our way. Kita kaotim everything, parava-illay!"

Is Malaysia getting you down? Tired of those traffic jams and flash floods? Tired of listening to those same old talking heads and their slogans? Feeling like you want to just throw in the towel and give up?
Well we at That Effing Show have something to say. That it's all fine. That it's okay. Kita sudah kautim. Paravaillay.

Because we are the world. We are the children. We are the all singing all dancing machas. And we're back. This time, we have horns! We have trumpets! We are higher and fi-er than ever before. Heck, we even scored ourselves a special musical guest star. Check it.

Zedeck looking hot; Azmly Yunor, my lecturer rocks!

Looking for the sparks?

I found this in my old junk:

"You will never forget your first love. That’s what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. It’s the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you’ve never been hurt before. Eventually you’ll love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously.”

When you step out to face that creature, you will step out on your own.

Ems FML Wednesday:-
Because higher tech phones are tricky bastards; my mum went on loud speaker when I was in the meeting. A meeting with big bosses and fellow colleagues.

Ems FML Friday:-
After collecting my print out, la di da! I was so into the visual. I didn't know I was walking off the stairs and boom! I fell down. Painful sial, my ankle still hurts a little.

Laugh away. I never quite know how to react to situations like this.



Lesson of the week: Sugar coated everything and backstabbers-alert mode on.

It’s so awful and unethical. It is really unnecessary to make remarks of others in the Red Queen's court. I believe before you scream, "off with your heads!", one needs to see things from another perspective. There’s still always a way to turn bad outcomes around. There is no need to be so two-faced and callous. They are like the Jabberwock, with eyes aflame, jaws that bait and wicked claws that catch. Seriously, there isn't even a handful of good, true friends anymore. I have no idea who to trust and talk to. I need to beware of the Jabberwock-ies!

It's not the same.

Today is your birthday, S.

Nine years. meh. I don't miss you as much as I used to. It is a damn good sign.

*edited*

OH MY GOD! I didn't expect to see you today!!!!!! I haven't seen you for 7 years; and I don't have the courage to walk up to say hi, and look you in the eyes again. Because I know if I did, I'm going to be back to square one. All messed up again.

Anger, can!

I'm extremely annoyed by mean#1.

I have just reached the point of getting sick of people questioning me! For the 9856329019386475 times, I ain't no lesbian.

I like dudes! I like my man tall, dark, gentleman, unpredictable and interesting. With some ink or piercing. ;D


Fucking hell man. Being single doesn't mean that I'm a lesbian!!!! I just have not been truly madly deeply in love with anyone for a long time. Plus, at the moment I'm no happy ending believer.


Tell me please, how can I put this to an end.

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

I miss my dad.

I love weekends with my family ♥

Take the Sky ♥

I want to go on a road trip, with loads of pictures, crazinesslaughter, food and booze. ANYONE? Hellooooo! Anyone?


Shipwreck in the sea of faces/There's a dreamy world up there/Dear friends in higher places/Carry me away from here/Travel light let the sun eclipse you/'Cause your flight is about to leave/And there's more to this brave adventure/Than you'd ever believe/Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you/Wide eyes will always brighten the blue/Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery/Because after all those wings will take you, up so high/ So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and/Take to the sky/On the hills of lore and wonder/There's a stormy world up there/You can't whisper above the thunder,

But you can fly anywhere/Purple burst of paper birds this/Picture paints a thousand words/So take a breath of mist and mystery/And don't look back!

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you/Wide eyes will always brighten the blue,
Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery/Because after all those wings will take you, up so high/So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and/Take to the sky/There's a realm above the trees/Where the lost are finally found/Touch your feathers to the breeze/And leave the ground,

Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you/Wide eyes will always brighten the blue/Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery/Because after all those wings will take you, up so high/So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and/Take to the sky/Birdseye view, awake the stars 'cause they're all around you/Wide eyes will always brighten the blue/Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery/Because after all those wings will take you, up so high/So bid the forest a fond goodbye, as you brace the wind and/Take to the sky.

At Work

Mean#2

Becky and Mean#1

Mean#2 at work.

This cute lil boy, FUCKING NIGHTMARE, CAN!

colleagues, pretty mental ones!

To be the best, you must be able to handle the worst.

We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying. - Grey's Anatomy